A new year is always a time for many of us to reflect a little on where we are on the road and how we want to continue. We usually start with good thoughts of change and renewed purpose but it doesn’t take long for the reality of true time to take over and sink us back into the same old ways. My personal thoughts right now are of a sense of ‘here we go again’ and yet I only just finished.
In the last few days I have given a lot of thought to what I have become to see as the unnecessary weight of anxiety and expectation that being involved in this ‘business’ brings, and I’m going to try and let go of some of that for as long as I can. There will always be the pressure of another show where I’m supposed to impress some so called important player in my life, but I have become weary of the reliance on folk I barely know for a sense of fulfilment and purpose. Of course I’m grateful for all those people who love music and write about it, promote it and help people to make and play it. Musicians at all levels would not get far without them. But after all these years of travel and playing and building an audience who want to listen and remain interested in the narrative in the music, I think I should be in a place where I can see a little further and wise up. So much energy goes into, and is wasted, in the worry of what’s next and how are we going to move things on from here? There is already so much in place and I’m tired of chasing more. That’s not to doubt good ambition with decent expectation levels or my readiness to walk new roads when they rise up,. But I don’t want my head full of worry about this stuff. It gets in the way of creating the very essence of what I do. It also seems to be the case that, more often than not, a lot of things happen when you stop trying so hard. So that’s my stab at a new years resolution. I can see it falling into dust as soon as I’m a newsagents looking through the music press for a review but I’m going to try. I really am.
I have been writing this early morning as I couldn’t sleep and the result of the Iowa caucus in America has just been announced with Barack Obama winning the Democrat vote there. I believe this is good as I like this man and think much could change with him in the Whitehouse.
Most of this entry is obviously personal, heart on sleeve stuff and when you view the huge and desperate picture of the world around us, then the ‘personal’ seems too pathetic to contemplate. But if you can get that bit right and maintain decent perspective then much good can happen. So here we go again..08.